Just random thoughts about my sports addiction...

I often think about the word addiction. What does it really mean?
Dictionary says:
ADDICTION- is used in many contexts to describe an obsession, compulsion, or excessive psychological dependence.
As you look around yourself, you will be surprised to find out that every single person has some kind of addiction, whether it is gonna be alcohol,drugs,food,cleaning,sport and etc.
There are always some reasons hidden deep in yourself for your own addiction. For example my addiction are sports. It is really an obsession. I realize that fact but I can't change it or most likely I do not want to change it. It is something that I feel is making my life worthwhile, something that is making me happy. I can't explain the feeling when I go to bed at night and as crazy as it may sounds I can't wait to fall asleep and get up in the morning and go to practice.
Everything started when I was 3years old. My uncle and my dad used to take me skiing with them. I loved the snow and the mountain. I practiced this sport about 6-7years.In the same time I practiced karate. I sucked at it! I did karate for about 8months, and the only belt I had was the white one,and before you think "Well at least you had some belt" , I will tell you that you did not have to do anything to get the white belt, they just give it to you when you start practicing, then you have to go to competitions to actually win the next color! Then I started practicing volleyball,ain't gonna lie I found it extremely boring, 'cause the coach always threw us the ball and never showed us how to use it, so we were just standing stationary throwing the ball to each other...So I did not stick too long with that either! One day I was just hanging around in the neighborhood when a really tall, muscular man came to me and told me he was a track coach and asked if he could talk to my parents. Well, he did talk to them and I started doing track. God, that was even worse than volleyball... So as you already know... I quit track too. A month passed and I saw the track coach and he told me: "When are you gonna start coming to practice again?", and I told him I wanted to play basketball. He said "Ok" tomorrow at 6 o'clock come to the basketball gym. And that is when everything started. I was almost 13 and I walked into that basketball gym, and I just fell in love with that sport. It was such an obsession for 6 years. I gave everything I have got on that court, I was playing with my whole heart every single minute I was on the court. I won numerous individual awards, numerous recognitions, and numerous medals, and most of all I was so happy doing what I loved! Then the injuries started coming, but in case you forgot I am sport addicted, and you know when you are addicted you do not stop to think if you should leave your addiction for a while and then when you are good to go come back, or even if that thought goes through your mind you do not pay too much attention to it and ignore it. So, that is exactly what I did every time I injured myself worse and worse and I always ignored the thought of stopping for a little longer till I recover and then step back on the court... so when you push your luck too much sometimes it just slips away. That is what happened to me-my luck slipped away and I injured myself so bad that I had to forget for basketball, all my dreams, all my plans for the future...
Then after a long time of depression...you know what happens when you can't get what you are addicted to...it just ruins you... I tried weightlifting. It is cool but it is not exactly what I love doing, the feeling that you get before every game, during the game, after it...it is just not there, and I think that is what I was addicted to...that feeling you get from winning and loosing... So I decided I was gonna take what I am addicted to whatever it costs me! And that is when I headed to the swimming pool. The beginning was pretty hard(but I will talk about it some other day). Then as the days went by I started to fall for the blue sport and now I think I am right where I was with basketball, besides the fact that I am not that good of a swimmer as I was a basketball player, but that does not make me less addicted to it.

SOmetimes I stop and think why do I do all of this. Why do I practice so hard. Yea, it is obvious that I love it, and it makes me feel good about myself, and happy and so on... but there must be something else that drives me...something hidden somewhere deep inside...and as I dig deeper in my feelings I have found that there REALLY IS a reason I am doing it. You know how the addiction fills some whole you have in your life, something missing... well every time I feel sad or frustrated or I just do not feel good I NEED to practice in order to feel better. Every time I have a problem I hide from it...I particularly run from it when I go to that pool and swim... I know that won't solve the problem but that is still a couple hours that my mind is free of the weight, it is some kind of meditation to me, something that always helps! And yea, I know addiction is not good, and that someday I might loose swimming too(that is what scares me), but I am also sure that I will fill that whole with another sport...and that will be to the end of my life...I will just fill the wholes one sport left with another one... and tell you the truth for me that is the best cure! When you lose something you try to fill it's lack with something similar, so you will be safe and secure...that is how I feel when I am practicing-I feel safe and secure, I feel life is great, and there is no reason to be bothered by something... I just love it! And I bet there are so many people that are just like me-addicted to sports, and maybe they also meet that disagreement from people around them...but who cares...that is what MAKES ME HAPPY...it ain't supposed to MAKE OTHERS HAPPY!