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Saturday, January 23, 2010

One more fear is down!

It's a wonderful day! It all started as every Saturday. I woke up at 5a.m. and later on headed for practice. We had to do some weightlifting and after that get in the pool. I felt pretty tired and there wasn't even a hint that something truly unbelievable was going to happen.
So let me start with a little pre-history. Two years ago, after my last injury I was not able to move my arm at all for about two months. After that I started slowly making really simple moves but I could not lift it higher than parallel to the floor. I used to go to physical therapy for about four months and I remember lying on the bed and the doctor was holding my hand trying to lift it but it was so painful, I could not even think to put my arms all the way up and it was really freaking painful. I remember that when I went to sleep and during the night it happened that I put my hand under the pillow I used to wake up terrified that I would dislocate my shoulder again. I ha d a pretty hard time sleeping. I was too paranoic about my shoulders... Then I started going to the pool just for rehabilitation because it is a lot easier to move your body in the water than on the outside. And after a month of just splashing in the pool I decided swimming was going to be my next challenge. So I started swimming only breaststroke it was a terrible breaststroke. I swam it like my grandma swims in the pool... after that as my shoulder was getting better I dared to swim the freestyle and finally the backstroke. I bet you already noticed I missed the butterfly, and it is not because I think swimming consist of the three strokes above, it is because I never even dared to think I would be able to swim it, it is too much of a pressure for my shoulders and I lost all flexibility in my shoulders. So the first year of swimming I swam only the three strokes and never dreamed of the forth one, but it always seems great when I see my teammates swim butterfly and I really wanted to experience that feeling too. So at the end of the last swimming season I decided I was gonna start with baby steps to overcome my fears. I started slowly doing some flexibility exercises and it was really painful and when you add the paranoic fear of injuring my shoulders it was kind of hard but I kept taking baby steps. And as times goes by I am getting more flexible. So lately the idea of daring to swim butterfly won't give me a break. I've been trying to fight with my fear since August and I never come to the decision to try it. But last week I asked my coach if she thinks I will be able to swim butterfly and she said that my shoulders are much stronger now and might be able to. But then we had a pretty hard practice and she said my arms are pretty tired now so we better postpone the butterfly. And tell you the truth that kind of got me back to my hesitations and fears, so I thought maybe it is not meant to be. And today I was just going to get out of the pool when my coach told me to try swimming butterfly. I was kind of excited but in the same time the fear was conquering me again. Well I did not pay attention to it this time, because butterfly is a hidden dream of mine and it was now or never... and a minute later I was swimming butterfly. The first stroke was not too confident I dragged my arms over the water and then I dared to lift them higher and it came out pretty good. I was so happy and excited. And my coach was too. She said I was doing pretty good, and she said she is proud of me and what I achieved for the two years I have been practicing. So today I can count one more fear down... Yes :) I am so excited I am beating these fears one by one...slowly but surely! Now I feel more confident in myself, that kind of lifted me up a little bit 'cause lately I've been down on myself. I know it may look a really minor thing to you and that it does not deserve this long post, but to me it is another top conquered!

1 comment:

Милена said...

Minor thing? Are you kidding?!? Way to go girl! You inspire :)