It's hard to practice but it's harder not to

On Monday I started attending classes for a personal instructor. It is a dream of mine that I really wanna fulfill! So I decided I have to stop postponing it, and make the first step towards my goal. So if everything is going the way it should be in two weeks I will have a certificate for a personal trainer. I attend the classes everyday for about two hours. The first day were the chest and shoulder exercises,yesterday it was biceps, triceps and forearm. When I have to do the exercises I am not supposed to use some heavy weights, but it is still two hours of exercising. Besides these two hours, I go to the pool every morning at six o'clock, I tie the bends for the bench in front of the pool, and practice.After that at 7a.m. I get in the pool swim for about an hour and forty five minutes. And then in the afternoon after the weightlifting classes I go to the pool again and swim again an hour and forty five minutes. And now it is the part of the swimming season when practices are the hardest and all this is really killing me.Today while I had a really really hard practice, I was struggling a lot in the pool, I felt exhausted and I was thinking why am I doing this to myself. I know I am a masochist... and maybe destroying yourself is part of masochism but it does not feel right. And then after the practice on my way home I kept thinking about this and concluded that practicing is a hard thing but it is a lot harder for me not to practice. So I know I will feel tired and exhausted so many times in the future but it is easier for me to overcome the pain of exhaustion rather then the pain of not doing what I love.