Sometimes your biggest gift is your biggest curse...

You know...it is funny how sometimes your biggest gift could end up being your biggest curse... Sometimes life is like a movie film...it repeats over and over again, and it seems like you are stuck in a circle... and usually do you know what is the worst part?? That it is ALL YOUR FAULT! Every time you are about to repeat the mistakes you made in your past and if you don't stop right there and think what they led too and if you really want and have the strength to go through that again... you will sure end up copying the past in the present... trust me...I have made it over and over again, and right now I am on that same crossroad... I've hit the bottom again.... lately I have been feeling exhausted all the time because I am trying to do way too many things and 24 hours ain't enough....unfortunately... everybody keeps telling me to slow it down but I kind of hope I have some superhuman force and that I will make it through... but guess what...I don't have superhuman forces... I am just an ordinary person that is trying to do some extraordinary stuff... So last week I started feeling pretty bad, my head was spinning on and off and I was feeling weak but I bet you guess I did not slow down with my schedule and I kept practicing... well I hoped things were going to get better after I had a little rest on Sunday, but unfortunately I was wrong again. My blood pressure has been pretty high lately something like 150/80 most of the time... so my parents told me to measure it at least 5-6times a day. So that is what I started doing and it kept being high until this morning when it was 160/88 and the aparat for the blood pressure showed that I had arrhythmia... of course I did not pay attention to it and went to my classes in college when I had that phone call from my mom and she asked me if I was intending to go to practice I said "Yes" .... she told me that this is way too wrong ( she has arrhythmia since the time she played basketball because she played with a flu and a really high temperature and that hit her in the heart)...so you understand why she is so worried about me... So when I hung the phone all that really got to me and I went back in the past when I was so f***king stubborn and kept playing with all these injuries and you know how I ended up... I asked myself if I wanted to go through this again and loose AGAIN something I totally love... I wondered why am I so stubborn and stupid sometimes... I have potential to do some good things and I always ruin it because I am too busy acting... I am too busy thinking that one practice skipped will ruin everything and stuff like that... but today I thought that I don't wanna loose everything again just when I stepped back on my feet... I just don't have the strength to do it again... so today I went to practice and talked to my coach and we decided that till the end of the week I will practice just once a day and she will make my practices lighter than usual...she said that she has been noticing that I need some rest and that my swimming was showing it too... so I am not gonna lie I had a terrible day... I cried a lot... I felt that terrible feeling I had in the past...the feeling of loosing everything just when you thought you had everything back together... but you know what.... I am not gonna blame it on life and say that life is terrible and life suck...because that is not true!!! LIFE IS JUST GREAT! It is the choices I take that make it so hard sometimes... but I have faith in myself and I know I am strong and nobody and nothing will take me down or break me up...sometimes life is most cruel with people that want to get the most out of life...but that is OUR OWN MISTAKE! We always have a sign something is going wrong but when we do not pay attention to it...we will finally get what we deserve... so that is exactly what is happening to me...