The feeling

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

Have you ever experienced something? But I am not talking for something ordinary. I am talking about a real feeling! A strong one! That burns your heart, your soul! That leaves you drained! STaying there wanting to move,scream or just do something but feeling empty? Like all your strength is gone...like you payed the price for your happiness with your soul! What a trade! Your soul for a feeling.

Do you know how it feels to be standing...being seen by others as a whole person, but inside feeling broken? Dying with the desire to put yourself together, but feeling helpless in front of your feelings? Wanting to grab that terrible sense, rip it out of your chest, throw it on the ground and then jump on it? Make it feel, the way it makes YOU feel!

Burning inside....hoping that feeling will have some mercy and will just leave you...let you have your life... but then realizing it is stuck inside...and no matter how much you want...there is no escape! It is you and your feelings! You are there feeling restless, and they are taking over you!

Let me tell you...I've felt it three times in my life! And it ain't nice at all! Everytime I promise myself I will never let somebody or something make me feel like this again...and then I let it happen again! But people once said that if you do not learn a lesson from your mistakes you are destined to repeat them over and over again, until you learn!

Oscar Wilde once said “A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ...That is what I wish for myself tonight!