Will I overcome it?

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”

Lately life has been throwing me some obstacles on the road to my goals. I have been giving everything I have to go through them but it hasn’t worked out so far. I keep climbing and when I am just about to see the top I fall back to where I was. Some days the falling is hurting pretty bad, I am feeling like it is all pointless and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

But is it really that way? I truly, deeply in my heart have faith that everything happens for a reason and even though it is so hard for me now, if I keep pushing harder and not give in I will finally reach that top and stay there at least for a while. You know how people say that it took a stone cutter a hundred and one hits to break a stone but it wasn’t the last hit that did it, it was all the hits that slowly but surely destroyed the stone…

Most people tell me I am doing way too many things and I should give up on some of them because I am wearing out my body and I won’t keep up with it for too long but… you know that when you come to the end of your rope, you should tie a knot and hang on. That is pretty much what I am trying to do… I feel like my strength is gone but I always find a little more to keep pushing…

I have a competition in less than two weeks, and I feel extremely exhausted. My practices are pretty easy before the competition but I still have problem with them… they seem so hard to my body that is struggling with them. After every practice I feel warn out. During the day I feel so dizzy and I can hardly keep up with my schedule… I can’t wait to go to bed and sleep… I started sleeping like 8 or 9 hours a day and I still feel like I am not getting enough sleep… I do not know what is wrong with me… I had some medical exams and doctors said they haven’t seen such good results in a long time… They say that maybe I reached the limit of exhaustion and it will take a while till I start feeling good again…

And that are not good news for me… as I said the competition is coming… I practiced so hard and gave everything I’ve got and now I do not have an idea how I am going to swim… I can hardly endure to swim 25metres fast and at the competition I have 50,100 and 200metres breaststroke… I am a pretty optimistic person but I do not see it happening…

When I am in the pool I feel like I do not have enough air and like there is not much oxygen getting to my muscles… so my muscles feel so stiff most of the time…it is a real torture…
I am thinking that if it does not get better to end of the week I will have to talk to my coach and tell her to let somebody else swim instead of me at the competition because otherwise it is gonna be really ugly at the competition…  And that is tearing my heart apart…

I can’t believe that I am intending to do this… I do NEVER give up… and this time? But I am really exhausted it feels like even my strong will is leaving me… Hope I find the strength to overcome this , because nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. And if I pass all the pebbles in my path it will turn out that I have passed the mountain…