I try to let go of the past, I try to close my eyes in front of the things that are taking place in my life now-the once that are hurting me...but deep down I can feel the pain and the sadness...they are in a constant fight with my mind...my mind tells me I shoouldn't be sad or worried...but my heart feels different.
You know how they say that you can choose either to express your emotions or hide them, but you can not controll the emotions themselves-you still have them and feel them no matter if you show them on the outside!...Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face but are those that fall from the heart and cover the soul...
At times I wonder which one is better, to let yourself have feelings and be sad at times but happy throughout the other time; or have a heart of stone, and never feel neither sadness nor happiness...
Lately that question is taking over my mind...and the more I think about it the more perplexed I get... I may not show my emotions way too much, but I assure you that I have them and I feel them...I am that kind of person that does not need much to be happy-I enjoy little things...but I also get hurt easy. I rarely show it but way too many things hurt me, people act or say stuff that stuck in my mind and torture me. I have the bad habit of suffering the pain other people feel. I always put myself in their shoes and kind of feel their pain...so it is pretty much a burden!
I thought a thousand times that I should change and that it would be easier for me if I feel less...but that thought is hurting me twice as much! I think that if I become cold hearted I might hurt a lot of people throughout my life, and just the thought that they will feel the pain I feel now makes me suffer more...just the thought that one day I will look back and realize how bad of a person I have become just because I was scared to feel...just that is stabbing my heart...
SO for now...the question to have emotions or not is still unanswered....
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